I've had cats and dogs my entire life. Always. A house is not a home without someone of a different species, as far as I am concerned.
My first true love was Huey, my orange and white, gigantic baby.....sweet Huey, benevolent overlord of his tiny kingdom and my life. Found in the basement of a building....his first cancerous growth was discovered at age 8. He lived on Long Island, in the midst of New York City....and in Northern California. He lived through pneumonia. I cooked for him for the last year of his life and he died just before Christmas. He made a point of telling me it was "time."
Did I love the others less? How do you gauge that? Or, did I love some just a bit more? Should I feel guilty? I always did my best for everyone...I think...I hope.
Garp was a beautiful Golden, from a pet store in Manhattan...a designer dog who became my bug hunter extraordinaire....and jogging buddy. He, too, moved to California...and then to Michigan...and for a large dog....he stayed with us a long time...15 years.
Daffy was a total sweetheart...a gorgeous Springer Spaniel who garnered compliments wherever she went. Always compliant, always happy....always the supreme lady.
And then there was Steve. A pound puppy. They said he was 8 weeks, but his eyes were still blue...so, no way. Stevie....my gorgeous, wonderful Steve. My protector, my friend, my companion. I could see him looking out the window in Astoria, Queens...waiting for me to appear as I was walking home from the train. Steve....best buddy....huggy bear...warning me of danger...but a total mush. I can't vouch for how he would react to someone posing a threat...he was protective. So handsome and so smart.....he told a joke. I had a cat named Rathbone, "Bone" for short. Steve wanted to play. I said "Go get your bone!" (He had an "air bone"...like a tennis ball in a bone shape) He wiggled his butt, went to the couch where "Bone" was sleeping and tried to lift him up with his nose!! I said, "No, not THAT bone!" and he wiggled more, and snorted.....he told a joke and he knew it!!!
It took me years to get over his loss. I loved my Steven so very much. He was an extraordinary individual. But I knew, after time, that there was, perhaps, one more.
So, one day, after I retired from 44 years of working...we went looking for another pup. In a Petco. He wasn't there, but we were encouraged to come back. When we returned an hour later...there he was. A black and white dog....scared, a bit skittish...he kept looking out the window doors.......as if he wanted to be anywhere else, but he did come over and sniff me, and he let me pet him and hold his face for a moment.
Most of his story is in the two little children's books I wrote....I was going to do a third and complete a trilolgy....his amazing adventures here in Italy.....but time and events were not on my side. I am now thinking Harry was a bit older than originally claimed....he developed white eyebrows and a bit of a beard......nevertheless, this boy inspired me to dare to do something I never would have done....and it brought joy to me....and he seemed to enjoy his days at "events" and the attention he got. And he certainly enjoyed Italy...his friends, his streets...his good smelly places.
I wish I could see him leap down the halllway again in total joy....because it was time for a walk!
I keep thinking I hear him. I keep thinking it's time to feed him, change his water, get him outside. I keep thinking I will turn around and see him. But he isn't there. I know this pain.....I have been here before.
This is grief....hello, darkness..my old friend.
If I didn't have seven rescued streets cats I might be in total despair. These little creatures came along at just the right time. And again, as always...who exactly is saving whom?
Harry Spotter....the sweetest soul ever.....never growled..ever...for any reason...sweet, docile, usually happy and full of joy...cat whisperer....fellow dog whisperer.....I hope Steve and Daffy are there for you....you would like each other bunches. Huey, too.
And Basil...and Bone....and Basta......
How do you measure love?
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